Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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