I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
