tell your sister to shave her snatch
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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