My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we have pet lesbian snakes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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