i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nicole vs. Life
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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