I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
