i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
