stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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