Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
