hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
