I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
