i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
