i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
