Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
