i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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