There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
