Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize