I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
