Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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