He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
