when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
