You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
