I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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