Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
