Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
