The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize