sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
