Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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