I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
