I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
