I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
