I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
