Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
