I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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