You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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