I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
