Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
