If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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