Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
