Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
