I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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