Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
