No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
