hell yes lets make some ravioli
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
