Im at strip club and am horny
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
