her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
