he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my poor anus
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
