Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize