Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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