Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
