I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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