is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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