I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
