i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
