omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
