What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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