East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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