Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
