Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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