I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
