There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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