I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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