I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
