And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
