Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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