Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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