Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
