I just pynch a tree in the face
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
